i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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