I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
