It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
