dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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