I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
