Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
