hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
