Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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