remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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