In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
