so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
