Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You're like the curious george of whores
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
