whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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