I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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