So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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