I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
