before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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