Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
