kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
