Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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