She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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