He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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