her facebook's as public as her vagina
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
