to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
