Me. At least after what I've been through.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
