didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
