Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
she pinky promised me she was 18
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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