theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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