If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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