life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
