Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
