I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you inspire me to be a worse person
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
