I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
