At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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