i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
