just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
