My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize