i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
