Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
