dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
