shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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