It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
