I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
