I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
