and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Couch. On fire.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
