i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Michael Bay diarrhea
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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