i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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