It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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