He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
