so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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