Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
