I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
