I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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