I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
