I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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