batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
