i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
