how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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