ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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