Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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