I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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