Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
