The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize