a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
