you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
