I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
my liver is dry heaving
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
