all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
