can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
