So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
