Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize