I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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