OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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